oops!

It has been a while since I have updated. Not too terribly much has happened except me wallowing in self pity over my grades in repro and biology.

Finally I figured that it wasn't doing me any good, so I hunkered down and studied. I'm looking at a C- so far in repro based on the current curve. Hopefully everyone else gets crappy grades too. I know that is a little selfish, but its what I hope!

My amazing friend from high school just got done for the year at USC and is back in town! I have to dogsit for my boss this weekend so we are gonna hang out and catch up. I can't wait!

Lots of things are coming up in the next three weeks; I'm not sure if I should be excited or stressed. My grandparents will be visiting to see my dads graduation, planning a celebratory hike with B since the term is coming to a close, regstration for the fall, the hardest exams I have ever taken, and finally summer.

Have I mentioned that I will be attempting organic chemistry, calculus, and animal nutrition!I was planning to take applied repro, but there is a scheduling conflict. I'm hoping for the best and really trying to stay positive about studying

To be continued...

Ihave been thinking for quite sometime about what I will truly blog about. Currently my life revolves around the farm and college and I love it most days-so why not blog about what's important right now.

School is still quite a jumbled mess, but I'm beginning to get a direction.

You can follow my blog at http://gooseyontheroad.blogspot.com/

blackberries!

Not the Himalayan kind but the phone kind. I finally got one after waiting so long but typing is so horribly awful-it's like learning how to type all over again with no predictive text :/ lame!

Term started last week and it's so exciting. Lots of amazing hands on learning that is applicable to multiple species so it will be especially useful.I'll touch on that later.

With it being the second week of term I already feel like I don't sleep enough so I'll cut this one short.

-Goosey

To Elisa,

In regards to your most recent post. You have made me think about my life yet again.

I am not currently apart of any organized religion nor do I know if I will join one in the future, but I hope that by now you have noticed that I am deeply spiritual.

I guess the main difference is the name of who we pray to and where. In this post I will refer to the divine as God. At this point in my life I don't know if I can refer to the divine as a physical being or the entire cosmos, but I can't deny that there is a beauty to every part of life. Science is not enough for me and I know this because I don't find beauty in mixing chemicals or fixing machinery.

To me there is nothing more beautiful than knowing that if I put a seed in the ground in early spring it will grow to be a plant that fruits and provides nutrition for something else. And when it dies that fall and it composts through the winter, putting nutrients back into the soil for another plant to grow the following year. This is the simplest example to come up with. Yes chemists have come up with long boring chemical equations that I detest to explain the fundamentals of nature, but that is not fulfilling. There has to be something more, to provide reasoning. I just don't have a name for it.

Sometimes I call it nature, but I love it and feel so connected to it when I take the time to bring it in my life.

Often times I read your posts as soon as you post them, Elisa, because I'm eager to hear what you have to say. We share a lot of the same core values, and I don't think religion has anything to do with it. Honesty, forgiveness, and grace. These are things that the best of us strive for despite our imperfections.

Recently, someone I love has betrayed me. Used my own regrets against me, thrown them in my face, and continued to taunt me. It was so hard and so hurtful. You never expect the ones closet to you to be quite so harmful and readily to do so. It has made think twice about my life and those I choose to include in it.

I was in the middle of making lunch when this happened, but when I tried to eat I couldn't. I was sick to my stomach with disappointmen, anger, and the most scary of all-enraged. I couldn't just stand there. I had to leave. To get away. To think. To breathe.

Looking at the 1/4 tank of gas left in the jellybean I drove out Peoria Rd. Eventually I stopped and sat by the river to think. To cry. I bawled my eyes out not able to understand what had just happened or why. I was there for her when she needed someone and was abandoned, and then she betrays me.

I am well aware of my worst mistake and I don't need someone to point it out to me. I have come to terms with my mistakes and accepted them. I live with them everyday, they are what make my heart heavy each and every moment. I just never realized that they could still tear me apart until now.

A huge part of me wants to let the situation fester, I want to hate her. And that saddens me. How can you hate someone that you are biologically programmed to love, it's against nature. But that monster tears at me and I ache.

I am finding myself thinking about what you wrote and grace. How could I possibly forgive her? I'm not sure if I even want to, but I have to. It's not something I can ever forget. Then I heard something sitting there:
"Oh sweet angel of mercy with your grace like the morning
Wrap your loving arms around me.
Oh sweet angel of mercy with your grace like the morning
Wrap your loving arms around me.

Hey unfaithful I will teach you
To be stronger, to be stronger.
Hey ungraceful I will teach you
To forgive one another.
Hey unfaithful I will teach you
To be stronger, to be stronger.
Hey unloving, I will love you,
I will love you, I will love you."

"

12 Days

Well my Spring Break was eventful-to me anyways. I just can't wait until it feels like spring. The warm air with a slight breeze blowing in from the south and a big blue sky. I have never loved spring or summer like I do in Oregon.

It's so fresh and alive.

Spring Has Sprung

here in the Pacific Northwest and I'm so happy about it. I'm so exhausted its ridiculous, my back hurts, and my rotator cuff on both sides isn't feeling too hot. BUT

The yard is starting to come along, and I helped my sister recover the greenhouse so we can use it. Last year the chickens decided to call it home and poop all over it. Chicken poop isn't that bad, but when it's thirty-way too much poop for me. Keep in mind that the chickens are usually free-roaming and they decided to call the greenhouse home :/

I planted a rhubarb plant yesterday. I'm very excited about this because it's one of the things I do remember about my mom's dad. Grandpa used to farm before he passed, and I feel closer to him when I do too. It's kinda weird looking up to someone you don't know and is deceased, but its definitely not the first time for our culture.

Sometimes I feel that the American way of life has lost touch with its roots and traditions that we don't have an identity. We have become so tolerant because of this, but its not always beneficial. Many of my generation don't want to experience their culture, so what will bind us?

Buying shit-consumerism? Sarah Palin? Guns?

Who the hell knows. Just because you come from a strong cultural background, it doesn't mean you have to be a bigot about everyone else. I'm not advocating world peace like Miss America, I'm just saying that I feel disjointed as an American. Where do I stand in this huge ass country, and does what I have to say matter?

I wish I had all the answers sometimes, but that would make life boring and predictable. It's more fun this way. And the best thing about trying to get back to roots, there are so many-Apache, Tuscorora, French Yuganot, Scotch, Mexican, Judaism, Catholicism, Baptist, and so much more. If there's something I don't like I can incorporate something else.

-Goose

Finals Week

2 down and 2 to go. At this point I don't even care anymore. The last two finals are for classes that I liked and I think I can rock them. Looks like I am going to have a c average this term :/ Lame I know. I'm just so glad it's over. Until next term...

At least next term I am taking a bunch of classes that I will like except health. What a bore, I'd rather learn about animals.