Dreams

are interesting things. No one knows a whole lot about them or what they mean. Yesterday morning I woke up frantic and laid there for thirty minutes to remind myself that it wasn't real.

It was about life, my life, an alternate life. It's the life I don't want and tried so hard to avoid with that person, the one I don't want anymore. Logically I know that the main reason I had that dream was because my Mom and I were talking about my past the night before, but it still shook me. There are some dreams I just don't want to have, I don't want to be reminded of what was but isn't anymore.

My mom always says "life doesn't always give you want, sometimes you get what you need", this is very true. When I think of how I met Bee, I honestly feel it was by chance and that he was the person I needed to heal myself. Today, at this moment I know that I'm okay. If I weren't I wouldn't be able to have such a close relationship with Brandon, but it still aches.

Occasionally, I wonder if it will go away. I hope that someday the holes that were formed will be filled with something new and much more beautiful, and with such a good friend I know it will.

-Goose