Lost.

It's weird when I think about how lost I was 2 years ago and then I feel it all come back.

The stress. The yelling. The arguing. The big non-greek italian behavior of my family. Oh that's right. They can make me just as small as a gnat sometimes. Don't mean to be a Debbie Downer, but lately it has just kinda sucked.

Dead week has already started, money is tight-wishing I were a bit more Jewish right about now(I know, that's not PC-who cares?!), I'm working now, and I miss my Bee. It's really sad when you see someone all the time and you miss them. I never understood how that happens until now. You become an "adult" and oblige to everything that everyone else wants us to do, but not really being happy about it.

Bee, I miss you.

Something else I have been thinking about is friends. There are the friends for life who will be at your wedding not matter what happens and then there are the ones who dominate your facebook and picture albums. I have the first, but the latter is somewhat missing. Well not missing, just lacking. I guess I don't put in enough effort.

So then it makes it my fault. Ain't that a bummer. So what do I do about it? I can't go back to the old ones and become besties all over again, I'm ~2500 miles away. It's not logoical and will never happen no matter how hard I wish it.

Just like everything else in life I have to work at it. I have to find a way to fit in friendships in my already well established schedule of work, school, and working for the family.

Results calculated Of Total Hours Used out of 168:

• In Class Time: 20 hrs
• Commute Time: ~3.5hrs
  
• Farm Time(Chores in general 2x day): 14 hrs
  
• Farm Workday: 10 hrs
• Work Hours: ~15 hrs
  
• Study Time: 10 hrs
• Sleep(9hrs/night): 63 hrs
• Eat(~3hrs/day): 21 hrs

Estimated Free Time: ~11.5 Hours. OUCH! That's gonna hurt.

What about seeing Brandon, running errands, and things like cleaning my room(cough cough). I'm sure it's hard to believe that I have a vested interested in cleaning my room, but I assure you I do. I just have to get to it. Oh lordy.

Luckily I got to see my old mentor Bonnie, she's something else. It's like she can see right through my compulsive neurocies and worry, like she knows I'll be just fine. That woman is a saving grace and I'm so glad to call her friend.

A friend! I knew I could do it. :0 What the?!

I'll be fine.