Sunday, January 24, 2010


are interesting things. No one knows a whole lot about them or what they mean. Yesterday morning I woke up frantic and laid there for thirty minutes to remind myself that it wasn't real.

It was about life, my life, an alternate life. It's the life I don't want and tried so hard to avoid with that person, the one I don't want anymore. Logically I know that the main reason I had that dream was because my Mom and I were talking about my past the night before, but it still shook me. There are some dreams I just don't want to have, I don't want to be reminded of what was but isn't anymore.

My mom always says "life doesn't always give you want, sometimes you get what you need", this is very true. When I think of how I met Bee, I honestly feel it was by chance and that he was the person I needed to heal myself. Today, at this moment I know that I'm okay. If I weren't I wouldn't be able to have such a close relationship with Brandon, but it still aches.

Occasionally, I wonder if it will go away. I hope that someday the holes that were formed will be filled with something new and much more beautiful, and with such a good friend I know it will.


Friday, January 22, 2010

To You:

I remember, I haven't forgotten, I'm just turning away.


Thursday, January 21, 2010


was good. Woke up, fed the cows. Got Bing Crosby to nurse off his mother a little bit more so we're almost certain that we will no longer have to bottle feed him. Thank you Bee :) His help is very much appreciated, because let's face it I can be a bit of a wimp at times. Yeah I love farming, but when you're standing next to a 3/4 ton cow, holding her calf, and putting your body next to her udders where it doesn't belong I can't help but think about getting kicked. Anyways he latched on yesterday morning-progress! Then last night after we took hay to everyone he was nursing all on his own, no help needed. Same thing this morning, yay!

School was decent, although I couldn't help but fall asleep during Biology lecture. I felt a little bad since I normally don't sleep through classes, but I was just so tired. Which reminds me that I need to print off those lecture notes. Then I took a nap in the MU and studied a smidgen. Public Speaking is turning out to be a good course. I listened to 7 speeches from my peers and have to listen to another 13 the next two classes. Mine is due Friday. I'm supposed to address the campus wide budget cuts while specifically focusing on what will happen to transportation on/near campus. It should turn out fine I just need to write it out and look a little bit of information to reference.

Biology midterm is Monday night, Geography of the Non-Western World midterm is Tuesday in class. I can manage. I know I can. Btw I am starving. Gonna head to the gym here soon, just waiting.

For dinner last night I made breakfast! And it was damn good. Nothing is better than a meal made entirely from scratch. Home-made griddle cakes with blueberries inside came from my mom's old cookbook; I tested the recipe on Sunday for breakfast. I had my sister make some sausage patties from ground sausage, and I fried up some bacon. The coolest part was that the meat came from last springs pigs, and the eggs for the better came from our free-range chickens. I really enjoy making meals with the food that we have been able to provide for ourselves. It truly is rewarding.

Speaking of food, Trish picked up the beef from the butcher yesterday. Half was sold, and we split the other half with the fam. The unfortunate part is that the butcher is very old school in their basic cuts of meat. If you don't ask for brisket or london broil as a specialty item-2 great cuts of meat-then it is ground and you end up with 150 lbs of ground beef :/


Friday, January 15, 2010


And not pertaining to the public system, our septic system.

Currently we are renters at this property and it is typically jaw-dropping in the summer. In the winter it becomes a money pit that sucks your soul dry and makes you want to live anywhere but the Williamette Valley.

First it was the pump to the well dying and needing replaced, this time there is something wrong with the septic system. I have a 2 year old niece, so you can guess where the problem started-that's right we are assuming that a toy down the toilet is the topping on the cake.

The least attractive thing about this property is that a there is an overflow from the Williamette river that lines the back of the property, it was stagnant this summer. Now that it has reached the equivalent of a Monsoon season, the water table is rising and therefore backing up into our leach field. Not good right?

Turns out that the septic tank hasn't been pumped out in 19 years. In order for the tank to be pumped they have to uncover the tank which is ~2ft down. Mom had the Roto Rooter guys out here earlier today and they were unable to find the tank after probing the ground for over half an hour. They are wondering if it is under our porch :( So it looks like I'll be pulling up boards here soon :/


Thursday, January 14, 2010

What to write today...

So far pretty damn ordinary.

Mom woke me up at about 6ish. Didn't roll out of bed until about 7:30. Threw sweats on over my PJs, OSU hoodie, and a Columbia jacket. Hightailed it out the back door to go feed the Moos. Checked on Bing Crosby-Ole Faithful(sister; Trish) was feeding him his bottle. No sign of delivery with Anne.

Breakfast of champions: 1 ruby red grapefruit, 2 farm fresh eggs scrambled, 2 pieces of Jewish Rye toast-1 with strawberry jam and 1 with butta, 10 oz of hot cocoa. Delicous!

Drive to school with my favorite "Wake up with Emma!" on 97.9 who is apparently a petite blonde with perfect hair but sounds like a hardcore brunette who bashes on blondes. Guess not, way to disappoint Emma!

Pick up Bee, hike it to my Geography of the Non-Western World lecture. Currently waiting for Bee so we can go work out-a TON! He insists on forcing me do a negative pull-up; who knows how to do a 'negative pull-up'? I mean really?


Monday, January 11, 2010

The coolest thing ever

My birthday was last Thursday which was pretty cool. I really enjoyed being home, and my Dad came over :) We made the best dinner ever. We had rice and lamb kabobs, but it wasn't any plain old rice. It was made with mango, onions, celery, pine nuts, and an infusion of spices that only my mom could create.

I finally finished watching Julie & Julia even though it took three attempts. I really enjoyed it, such a cute story and a great blog idea. Too bad I can't do it now :/ That's ok. For now I will just Gurgle Burble on aimlessly. My favorite part about the movie was watching how many different ways you can prepare food. Spectacular.

I have a secret that I am going to share. When I get to be 40 or 50, I want to become something that has to do with food-assuming I get fit. I absolutely love food; the different textures, colors, and flavors. I wish you could see how amazing of a cook my mom is. She really is the best; mixing different flavors and cultures together resulting in one good meal after the next. She is why I want to do it; my mom taught me how to cook and I couldn't be happier. There is nothing more fulfilling than sitting down with the ones you love to enjoy a hard earned meal.

I really feel that you can taste the effort you put into it. So someday I will become a cook, food critic, or the owner of a small restaurant.

Anyways so on my birthday Bee got me the coolest thing ever; a Tea-Zer Tea Tumbler! It's the perfect solution to having good quality loose leaf tea on the go! Being a college student I either have to take my now lost thermos which is so large and bulky and difficult to get into it. The Tea-Zer Tea Tumbler keeps my tea hot enough to keep my warm without burning myself and without having to wait 2 hours for it to cool down. I am in love with this thing.


Saturday, January 9, 2010

I am at a loss for words.

I really am. I hope that as I continue to try and write a blog each day I will come up with more meaningful things to say more often.

Today I woke up. Picked my sister up from my Dad's. Came home. Watched this weeks NCIS:Los Angeles and Divine Secrets of the YaYa Sisterhood. Went to the bank, payed some bills. Had a sandwich for lunch. Shopped at Winco. Came home. Fed the cows and rabbits. Helped cook dinner a little bit. Now I'm tired.

I'm sure it's just the new term starting to kick in. I am a bit pleased with myself, however, since I am scheduling the gym three days a week including cardio and cursed free weights. I really don't like free weights. I have never been much of a gym person, but those eliptical machines really do wonders. I really enjoy them since it eliminates the problem of shin splints. Yay inventor! So being more fit is my New Year's Resolution. I'm just so sick and tired of not being as strong as I used to be and having to ask for help, and of half my closet not fitting for the last three years. I'm not promising myself to work on it, but I am going to do it and accomplish a higher quality of health.

That's about all I think...


Friday, January 8, 2010

Biology Lab.

So far the least useful lab ever. We went over the scientific method until we beat  the dead horse.

Speaking of dead things...

On Wednesday we sent our steer to butcher. I have sent other animals to butcher, many times in fact, but it was never as hard as this. 

Before I continue, I want to let you know that I am not some vicious person who enjoys killing animals for my selfish life. Every animal that my family raises is loved, appreciated, and well cared for. Many of the animals we raise would never make it elsewhere. The steer we just butchered-we called him Junior-was born last April. April in Oregon last year was not kind, there were inches of mud, cold winds, and the ultimate weather to give a calf pneumonia. When Junior was born he didn't nurse off his mother very well so we had to teach him. Anyone who has stood next to the flank of a cow knows that it is not always the most comfortable place to be, but we did it anyways. This calf needed help or he might not make it. For a couple of weeks we thought that he had caught pneumonia. The property that we were renting at the time was beautiful pasture in the summer, but a bog from November to May. There was no place to get the calf out of the weather. All we could do was try. He ended up making it ok.
This is just one example of where we have helped a situation that would otherwise be fatal. 

If you ask how can I eat these animals that I care for, or how can I eat my pets the answer is not so simple. For starters, farm animals are not pets. That is not what they were domesticated for. My family's pets are the spoiled kittens who wait at the door everytime my sister leaves the house. I have a compassion for animals of all sorts, and I am never cruel. I was raised to eat meat so it is the norm for my family's diet, so I don't think twice about eating meat. But ever since we have started eating meat that we have raised I am so much more appreciative of the whole process. I am thankful to the animal for its carcass that will nourish my body and allow me to be strong and care for other animlas. And I know in my soul that the animal is thankful for a life free of abuse and full of adoration. 

To continue Wednesday's story I should tell you that it started at 5:43 am. I am not a morning person, whatsoever. We shooed the steer out of the barn and were going to start moving him through the different pastures, but he wouldn't leave the barn door area. He wanted his mother even though he was well past weaning age; he was 20 months old. (We don't put our animals through the traumatic experience of forced weaning, we allow them to wean themselves since it is the most natural process for both involved. It also happens to be the most cost effective, since the longer they drink milk the less hay supplementation they need.) He ended up charging at us, and I swear I have never hopped a fence so fast-THANK YOU ADRENALINE!  At least I know my fight or flight reflexes work :) 

After we finally got the bull to where he needed to be, a gun went off. It was incredibly loud, but quick and painless. He didn't feel a thing. It was slightly shocking since I had never been exposed to the butchering process so closely. The previous butchers we have used, you load up the animal on the trailer, truck them over, say goodbye, then go home. This was...very direct.

It hurt to hear it and to see what happened next, but I didn't cry. I said thank you, to Junior. He will nourish my family over the next year and I am incredibly grateful. Am I cold for not even shedding one tear? No, I don't think I am. I maintain my composure and continue my life, not as if it never happened though. I am truly affected, beyond belief. But I can't break down and cry, there are other animals to take care of and other chores to be done. 

Life is about accepting the good with the bad, without carrying it like baggage. So yes, I eat meat and I'm proud of the strength it takes to do so. Sorry if that offends some.


Thursday, January 7, 2010

Thank you!

Today is my birthday. I woke up and feel no older, but then realize I am too years closer to being able to support my sister on Kariokee do you spell kariokee again? That would be fun.

I logged on to my facebook and was surprised by all the 'happy birthday's, especially since I got so few last year. And I'm pretty sure it's not that I gained many new friends this year, quite frankly I have been terribly busy and unable to keep with those that are around. Nope it was the old faithfuls, friends from elementary and middle school, and some new.

I must admit that I really do miss those days. The ones where all you want to do is slam your door shut, lay on your bed, and listen to music for hours without a care in the world. Unfortunately I don't get that often enough anymore, being an adult calls for responsibility so I can't let hours just fly by while I do nothing. Mostly I miss the people and the innocence.

In contrast I love all the new music I have discovered, amazing outdoor adventures, and the warm hearted people I have met over the last few years.

So thank you, for making me appreciate the past and present.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Pay It Forward

You know the cute movie with Haley Joel Osmett(I may or may not have spelled that wrong, no matter), I loved it. One of my favorite movies, it has gotten a bit old over the years but it's a goody. The concept of paying it forward and doing selfless acts when others really need it. It's ingenious.

I have never really done anything big, just the small things. Pulling over when I see a car stranded and asking if they're ok or need help. On Monday night, which happened to be super hectic due to a certain little sister who I love dearly but frustrates me beyond belief, I went to the grocery store for a few things. Whatever. When I was finished shopping I took my cart to the checkstand aisle and waited pateintly. It then became clear that I was not the only one shopping for dinner on a Monday night. We had Jumbalaya over rice, YUM!

A considerably older man with a driveable cart got in line behind me. It was pretty evident that he had poor vision, I was tipped off by how thick his glasses were. I figured hey what the hell, I'm just standing here. I offered to help him unload his groceries. Honestly I was a bit concerned about offering since some elderly are offended when there disadvantages are pointed out. That was not the case here, he appreciative. And that was that. He said "thank you", I said "your welcome". Then the old man said something that stuck me.

"I'll be sure to pay it forward when I can. You know what that means don't you?"

Mostly I was impressed. It reminded me that there are still people who appreciate the little things and realize that the little things add up to big ones. After that, I quit thinking about how crummy the day was going and just smiled the whole time as I pushed my cart out to the Beast.

I love when life makes me smile so genuinely.

Saturday, January 2, 2010


I have been delaying this post for weeks now. But I'll make it worth your while.

You know how we got a cute little bull calf on December 3, well surprise there's two more! The entire week before Christmas we were decorating like mad and baking cookies well into the night. On the 23rd I stayed up pretty late putting up any last minute decorations for the festivities, and since my little sister had a friend over I slept out in the living room and let them have the room. Put on Julie & Julia, and got comfy. I finally fell asleep around 3. I slept like a log. I finally got woken up around 9 to go feed, but I lounged quite a bit getting some coffee on my way out.

Patricia, my sister and dedicated business partner, came running to the door shouting "There's a new calf!" I bundle up as quickly as possible. We were outside until noon trying to take his measurements, ensure that he has nursed off his mother, take his weights, and make sure there are no apparent health problems. His name is Frank Sinatra. Bear in mind it's Christmas eve, and we invited over the entire family plus my boyfriend for dinner.

We were supposed to have this amazing dinner and do some last minute cleaning; I had forgotten to mop the entryway, vacumn, etc. All those chores got started late and naturally dinner was late; about 9pm. Everything is ready for us to serve up dinner, pop in a movie, etc. Then I'm told that there was a big splash heard outside. That means another calf; F^@%!

After we get the cow in the barn so she doesn't deliver in the rain, we leave her to take care of business. We figured check on her in an hour, for a first timer it could take up to 2 hours after their water breaks for a calf to arrive. My boyfriend went out to check on her right before dinner was being served. And of course there were hooves sticking out of her rear end. Oy. The cow was pretty protective.

Christmas eve continued once we got inside, after 10. Brandon brought his alto and baritone saxiphones, so he played some songs. Everyone hung out, and all the little ones stayed at dad's house so we could do the whole presents under the tree thing. Btw, did I mention we had absolutely not a thing wrapped on Christmas eve. We were up until 4am, got everything wrapped, cleaned all the dishes, and it was great. I really enjoy spending Christmas eve at home with the family.

Christmas day we slept in a quite a bit to make up for our late night. We got up around 10 or 11, fed the animals and then everyone arrived to open gifts. We were finishing up around 1:30 or 2. And I got that much longed for red peacoat. I'm in love with the jacket and want to wear it everywhere. I was supposed to be at Brandon's house for a formal sitdown dinner with his family, but being a girl I didn't get there until 2:30. Oh well.

After gifts and dinner with his grandparents we went to his parents house to hang out for a bit and play some games. It was a bit odd not being home for Christmas since it's usually when everyone in my family gets together. I just didn't get to see everyone as much as I had hoped due to the series of previously mentioned events.

The day after Christmas my little sister gets sick so we take her to the ER. Turns out it was an internal abcess so they put her on antibiotics and held her for a few hours. Everything turned out ok, she's perfectly fine just a bit scary since it came on so fast.

On the 29th we made our way down to Ukiah to drop off my little sister at her mom's. Weather was total shit on I5; fresh snow in the passes had traffic at a standstill for hours the day before. To stay on the safe side we took I5 to Cottage Grove, then 38 to Reedsport, then 101 the rest of the way down. The best view ever. On the drive I started writing down some of the super amazing places that I would love to take some time and see. I'll talk about them some other time.

On New Year's I smoked cigars with Brandon and one of his coolest cousins. I even tried a Monte Cristo Habana Cuban. Very cool. Although it did make me through up :/But that's ok. The drive back home from California was...eventful.

I got up at 6:30, took a shower and had all my stuff packed and ready to go, but 'someone' did not. Then we had breakfast at the amazing The Original Pancake House, it was phenomenal. I got the strawberry waffle. I have never had a a waffle that tasted so good. We got on the road about 9 and then our trip back home really began, after we had to turn around because Brandon thought he forgot his headset but really he didn't. In a long round-a-bout way, that he suggests was my fault, we ended up driving right through San Francisco just before lunch hour. Although it was nice to see the city and I got to take some pictures of a few things as we were driving through. The drive home took forever.

I felt I would die if we didn't pull over so I could pee, and of course we were on the windy twisty roads of The Redwood Highway. We ended up stopping at a state park with campgrounds to use the restroom. But no, we weren't that lucky. We were blessed with the almighty B.I.F.F.Y., but it wasn't that bad. Overall it was an incredibly beautiful drive home and we finally made it safe.

Since then I have been scooping up cow shit in the barn, and demolishing an old run down barn and trying to repurpose the lumber. Oh, and how could I forget to mention the never ending battle with mud.

BTW-It's also the first day of classes!